Hey Friends ~
Happy almost Thanksgiving to you!
Although the song will soon tell us “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” ~ the reality is that the holidays can be an extremely painful, stressful and lonely time.
I know this all too well.
As you know, it was during the Christmas season that my fiance David was killed.
While everyone was singing Christmas carols, baking goodies, and wrapping their presents ~ I was a heartbroken single mom left with a pile of broken dreams.
It was horrible.
Thankfully my family was very understanding, and the homeless teens I worked with at The Salvation Army made me, Jake and my mom a Christmas dinner that year I’ll never forget.
Do you know someone who is having a hard time this Thanksgiving/Christmas season?
- A single mom?
- Someone who is facing a “first Thanksgiving and/or Christmas”? (I try every holiday to think of anyone who will be going through this holiday for the first time without their husband, dad, mom, grandparent, etc.. Even though the death may have been months ago, “first’s” are extremely difficult. Trust me.)
- A family with a recent job loss? Health crisis? Family estrangement?
Obviously I’m not a trained therapist (just learned stuff the hard way), but I’ll be back tomorrow to share my Top 10 ways to come alongside of others when the holidays are hard….
Have you been through a difficult holiday season? What was helpful to you (or not helpful). I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and stories!
Thanks for stopping by *She Sparkles*. I thank God for YOU!
See you tomorrow for Part 2! 🙂
Happy Thanksgiving ~
Even as a trained therapist sometimes the realities of life are often the best lessons. God has given you such a compassion for others.
Oh Brenda, as always, you are so sweet!
Thanks for joining the conversation! Please share your ideas – we’d love to learn from your wisdom and experience!
xoxo
For seven of the last eight Christmas seasons, our family has lost a close family member to death following prolonged illness. My children have only one grandparent still alive. It feels to me like we have become experts in dealing with the holidays while also grieving – not a fun thing to be an expert in!
I can only recall one of those seasons in which I felt that anyone came alongside us with tangible assistance. That help came in the form of an older lady at our church who called herself “Mrs. Claus” and she brought a batch of beautifully decorated Christmas cookies to our home so that our children would not be without. (When you are caring for a dying parent, you do not have time to bake cookies!)
There were many times I cried during those years over the things my children were growing up and not having. My seven year old, for example, does not even have a concept of what a “normal” holiday season is. How I wished that someone would have offered to help put up a tree or make a stop at the grocery store for me. Nobody even asked if there was anything we needed; and I certainly would not bow to asking for help!
If I could offer a word of advice, it would be that if you see someone who might have a need, just DO something – like the woman who brought the cookies. If she had asked me if she could do this, I probably would have said no because I would not want to put anyone to extra trouble. But it meant the WORLD to me that my children had cookies that year!!! Ideas: drop off a bag of basics, such as toilet paper, tissues, toothpaste, etc. that people go through and may run out of in times of crisis. Offer to pick up some stocking stuffers while you’re out shopping. It’s hard to face the crowds when you lack energy! If you would like to offer to help decorate, it would be nice if you planned with a friend that someone else could help UN-decorate (taking things down and putting away can be just as sad and difficult as putting things out). Drop off a meal or give a gift card to a restaurant. If the person is a widow(er) or divorced or a single parent, offer to babysit so that Christmas shopping for the child can be done. Another nice idea is to take the child shopping for the remaining parent. (Do you know how many single parents do not receive gifts? A lot!)
And finally, just be present. Don’t be afraid to bring up the loved one who has passed away. Your friend will find solace in knowing that the one who died is not forgotten or a taboo topic. If you didn’t know the person who died, let your friend talk about their loss if they desire to do so. Do not offer trite remarks, such as “it was God’s will.” These statements are NOT helpful to someone who is grieving.