Hey Friends –
Thanks for praying me through my trip to Grief Share. It was an amazing experience, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.
But, unfortunately, I’m in a bit of a “funk” these days. I got my feelings hurt and I’m having a hard time shaking the blues.
Anyone else ever been there before?
You know that saying about sticks and stones breaking our bones, but words will never hurt us.
Words can damage and set us back and make us want to quit and second guess who God has created us to be. Words can trigger old, painful hurts, fill our mind with confusing thoughts, and want us to numb out and somehow dodge the pain.
But, my sweet friends, we have a choice.
Sunday morning I hit my bottom. After many difficult and complicated conversations last week, listening to critical words that cut to my core, experiencing deep disappointment, calling myself cruel names I’d never say to anyone else, plus listening to a friend “politely” critique my parenting skills (and not give me a passing grade) – I was done.
Sunday morning John said “good morning” but in a playful, jokey way. My response (right before we left for church, no less….) –
“Oh, let me guess….I’m not good enough for you either, right? Is that what your “good morning” means? I’m not good enough for _____, or ______, or a good enough mom, and I don’t do this right, and I’m not a good enough housekeeper, and I still have a Christmas tree on the porch and….”
You get the drift, right?? Mama was gonna blow.
Poor John. He only meant to say good morning. Oops.
My mini meltdown helped me see I was still experiencing a lot of pain.
I might be smiling to the world on the outside, but on the inside, my heart was crushed and I needed help and Truth. It was time for these negative roots of self-criticism, defeat and insecurity to be eradicated, and for new, fresh seeds of Truth to be planted.
Thankfully as we drove to church I noticed a set of verse cards tucked in the console. I pulled them out and slowly filled my confused and chaotic mind with the Truth of who God says I am.
I also reflected on the simple words shared to me many years ago, “Cindy, you can let this situation make you better or bitter.”
Friends, I’m choosing better.
I will ask God to teach me through this difficult situation. I will not run from the pain. I will call the friend who hurt my feelings. I will ask for clarification where details are confusing. I will share how I’m doing….really. I will give myself grace and space to heal. I will remember that God says I’m accepted, valued and loved…just the way that I am. I will not allow new hurts to trigger old pain. I will cling to Truth.
We always have a choice – and I’m choosing better.
Sweet friend, I’m not sure what your week has been like, but in case you’ve had your own unique set of challenges, will you too choose to be better, and not bitter?
Will you join me in eradicating those negative roots and planting new seeds of Truth?
I’m so thankful to journey with you, dear friend!