Hey Friend —
Who do you know who has been ensnared by the allure of addiction?
I’ve been recently reflecting on my personal journey from struggling with an intense drug and alcohol addiction – and nearly losing my life – to a place of great freedom, peace, and joy. (My story recap here)
To be honest, my drug and alcohol addiction is not a subject I enjoy discussing.
Can you blame me?
Who wants to admit vomiting in their mom’s sink?
Or overdosing on cocaine as a young single mom?
The older I become (and as my kids age) — the more the enemy would love to heap shame and guilt on my already fragile soul.
The good news: my poor choices don’t have to define me, but instead God can use them to refine me, making me strong, useful, and effective for Him. (And the same is true for you too, friend!)
I’ve promised God I’ll share the truth of my journey anytime and in anyway He wanted me to. Recently I’ve been asked over and over two important questions:
1. Did you go to rehab, Cindy? How did you get clean? 2. Did you ever use drugs or alcohol again?
I sense it’s time to share with you. my dear bloggy friend, the whole story.
For today , let’s start with question #1.
Did you go to rehab, Cindy? How did you get clean?
In 1996, in the midst of my mess, I tried many times to stop the drugs and alcohol use on my own. I knew I desperately needed help, and I quickly learned willpower alone is not enough to overcome the allure of addiction.
My accidental cocaine overdose became my “bottom.”
Out of desperation and a determination to survive, I asked a friend’s mom for help. This dear woman shared with me four words – simple words, but words that have changed my life –
“Cindy, you need Jesus.”
And on that day, July 26, 1996, freshly discharged from the hospital after my overdose, I cried out to Jesus and asked Him to enter into my addiction and help me.
Willpower alone is not enough to overcome the allure of addiction – but Jesus is.
Jesus alone can rescue, redeem, save, deliver, restore, and open up those prison gates and set any captive free.
There is no one too far gone from His redemptive reach. No one.
Now I wish I could share it’s been an easy, carefree journey of sobriety and freedom.
Not so much.
Although Jesus delivered me from my pit of despair and destruction, I’ve also had to do my part, including:
• Pursuing an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Surrendering every area of my life to Christ, and inviting Him to be the Lord of my life.
• Renewing my mind with the Truth of God’s Word. My life has been transformed because my mind has been transformed, and that’s come by meditating on and memorizing God’s Word.
• Leaving behind the “old” life, involving: quitting my job, letting go of any alcohol/drug related friendships, and avoiding any environments where temptations would be high.
• Stopping secrets and lies, and exposing all areas of my life to His Light.
• Getting to the “root” of the problem. What was I trying to numb? Why? Through Godly counselors, we were able to identify the true source of my pain, allowing inner healing to come.
• Asking for accountability. For many months I met daily with a recovered drug user. The times I didn’t want to meet, she’d find me and make me stay longer. Day-to-day accountability and support made a huge difference in my journey to freedom.
• Starting new healthy habits. As I left behind the “old,” I needed to replace my behaviors with healthy, life-giving choices. I began reading the Bible daily, attending church and a weekly Bible study, making new friends, finding new ways to have fun.
• Praying! I asked God daily to protect me from temptation, replace my destructive cravings with His satisfaction and peace, to surround me with women to build me up and encourage me, and to fill my heart and mind with His Truth.
The good news? This year I celebrated 18 years of sobriety. Yay, God!
Please know I’m not a trained therapist, addiction expert or licensed counselor — just an ordinary girl transformed by an extraordinary God.
There isn’t one single day I don’t invite Jesus to be Lord and do His powerful work in my life. I’m desperate for Him! But I show up to do my part as well. Life’s worth it. Jesus is worth it!
How about you, friend?
Who do you know who has been ensnared by the allure of addiction?
How has addiction impacted your life?
If you’ve been searching for something to fill the emptiness and find yourself ensnared by the lure of addiction, please remember, willpower alone is not enough to set you free.
Sweet friend, you need Jesus. Please don’t wait another day.
P.S. In my next post I’ll address questions #2 — did I ever use drugs or alcohol again? The answer may surprise you!
Thank you Cindy! Thank you for being willing to allow The Lord to use…truly redeem, the years that the locust have eaten ( Joel 2) and make even those barren years, fruitful! We need that so desperately in the Body! Thank you also for sharing that it was a process, not just an instantaneous deliverance….I know God can deliver completel and instantly, but often times the process of getting to the “roots” IS the beauty of learning and seeing the grace and freedom Jesus offers. Somehow I’ve taken credit, in my arrogant pride, when things have come quickly and simply….in the process though, I learn grace and compassion…from Him first, so that it can be working in and then through…
Thank you so much! Blessings, dear sister!
Dear Cindy,
Thank you for sharing your story and the power of Jesus to overcome. I was raised in a Christian home, went to Christian schools most of my life, but after high school, I started to “experiment” with alcohol and felt I had “paid my dues” and now it was time to do MY thing. What started out as “innocent” partying was not innocent. I only partied on the weekends but those partys often led to blackouts and it is by the grace of God I did not die. The “partying” took on a whole different level when alcohol went from something “fun” to do on the weekends to a coping mechanism after failed relationships, an abortion and a divorce. After the abortion the alcohol use ramped up to every other night . .would have been every night if I could have stomached it. I did not want to deal with the pain of my choices so I chose to numb myself. It worked. For a while. After my divorce I knew I had to make some different choices. I started going back to church and heard the most beautiful message that God loved me, and there was NOTHING I could do that would negate that love. I asked for God’s forgiveness for everything. It was a start. But I wasn’t ready to let it all go to Him and kept drinking . . . a lot. I was now so conflicted about returning to church and God but still wanting to drink. Oh, how we ache in our earthly bodies. It took so long to realize that while God has redeemed us and saved us, we are still susceptible to our human fralties and will struggle with some things all our lives. I clearly remember over time the alcohol starting to not work anymore. I was frustrated b/c I wanted to quit but “couldn’t”. I didn’t want anyone to know about my struggle and kept it well hidden. I was a highly functioning alcoholic. One day, during my evening drinking it was as if God verbally spoke to me and asked me “why are you doing this? you don’t need this, you only need me”. I admitted God was right, but I was powerless to stop on my own. I am NOT kidding you but that was the last drink I took to get drunk. Not only did I quit drinking but I quit smoking. God filled me with His power and grace and that was the end of it. I am not tempted by it even having been through some difficult times . . .I can only give God the thanks for this . .it was not anything I could do on my own. So, yes, Jesus saves, redeems us and give us power to overcome. Each person has their own journey and stuggle and sadly some are still prone to struggle and I don’t attempt to discount those struggles. I can only speak my own story and am so grateful.