Hey Friends –
I’ve entered a new season of Motherhood. I must confess I’m having a painfully hard time, emotionally draining time. Ugh.
You may remember my son Jake starts Aquinas College this year. His biological dad and step-mom live walking distance from his new school, and Jake moved in with them last weekend.
My first little birdie has left the nest.
It stinks.
I’m a Psychology major who has studied “empty nest syndrome.” I’m a MOPS speaker who talks about embracing the seasons of life. I’ve read articles about moms who bawl for days when their babies go to college and thought to myself “that will never be me!”
I’ve secretly laughed at my friend’s moms who slept in their daughter’s beds when they moved out. I made it through the first day of Kindergarten with barely a sniffle or two.
I’ve told my kids all along that I want them to have two things ~ wings and roots. I was raising my little birds to soar!
Only now – not so much.
I like my little birdies right here with me!
The past week has been filled with lots of tears, grief and prayers. I’ve been in a heap on my bathroom floor. Cried in the grocery store. Can barely handle nighttime when I don’t have to leave a light on for Jake and his friends. Still look outside in the street and hope to see his truck.
Oh Lord, help me! :/
I’m super excited for Jake and this new opportunity ~ and quite surprised at my overly emotional reaction. I’m asking God to teach me through this difficult new season.
Here is what I’m learning so far…
1. Embrace this season.
High School Senior Night
Yes, it’s true, I need to embrace this season.
Just like I embraced and made it through the diaper stage, the early MOPS years, the elementary season (my favorite), and the fun high school years – this new season will have many highs and yes, some lows.
Jake & Benj
Jake and I went to Aquinas with the kiddos the other day to get some new AQ gear.
Yes, I do now own an “Aquinas Mom” shirt, and the kids all have AQ wear to support their big brother. Before I know it, hockey season will be upon us and I’ll still be a “goalie mom,” and this week I get to spend the day at Aquinas for Parent Day. Yay! 🙂
2. Feel Your Feelings
I’ll be honest, I’d rather just drink a Starbucks latte or pour myself a cold Diet Coke…. but instead I’m asking God to help me feel these feelings and not just numb out.
If I numb the pain and grief, I also numb out the joy and peace – and I’m not willing to go there. Instead I need to feel these feelings and allow myself to grieve (yuck – remember I hate goodbyes) – but I’m trying.
3. Share Your Feelings
I’m super blessed with a close circle of friends & family who have been walking with me through this season of transition. Sending notes and emails. Reminding me “I’m normal.” Praying over me (thanks Amelia & Allison) and letting me be real.
(Not to mention my husband John who has been a gem with a super emotional wife. I think we changed outfits 3 times Friday night – I just need to go for a walk. No, I need to go out. No, I need to watch a funny movie. No, I can’t be home, I need to go out. Let’s go to the movies please. Oh my! Thanks, honey!)
4. Create New Routines & Traditions
New seasons create opportunities for new routines and traditions. I stepped down from teaching Bible Study weekly this fall so I can be present and available for Jake as needed. Maybe we’ll have “Wednesday’s at Wolfgang’s” (a nearby great breakfast place) or who knows, he might even swing by for Sundae Nights.
5. Learn, Grow & Cling to Truth
New seasons are perfect opportunities for new growth. I want to be more like Jesus, and I’m asking God to teach me new, better ways to live through this transition.
I’m also super thankful for God’s Word and its powerful, life-changing, accomplishing work. (Where would we be without Truth?!)
I’ve added new arsenal to my belt of Truth, including verses like….
- Isaiah 30:15b – In Quietness and trust is your strength (the “Q” verse)
- Psalm 119:28 – My soul is weary with sorrow; strenghten me according to Your Word.
- Psalm 4:3 – Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself, the Lord will hear when I call to Him.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1 – There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven….
How about you, friend? What season of life are you in these days? What are you learning? How are you feeling? Share with us please!
Thanks for stopping by *She Sparkles*! God’s richest blessings to you!
With a thankful, but somewhat sad heart (just keeping it real) —
I love how God gives us verses for our seasons — to cling to in our times of emotional trials. As you know, praying for you.
Great post, Cindy. I’m sorry it’s been so hard. Keep following your wisdom here.
It was so good to be with you.
Alison,
It was super great to be with you! Thank you for sharing your “gift for the world” with me! 🙂
You blessed me more than you know!
There was a hole in my heart when my first one took flight. I was so shocked at my reaction. My husband and I had worked so hard our whole life to provide college for her. It is what I wanted! I was a mess and will never forget it! God Bless you on this season – it is hard!
Mary, I can totally relate to the “hole in my heart” feeling! At least I am comforted by being “normal” – smile! Thanks for your comment! 🙂
Cindy – You’ve got the right attitude. As Moms, we try so hard to be strong and encourage our kids to be independent, but sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to cry and selfishly wish our children could stay little. However, like you said, new traditions with your son will emerge and you’ll be so proud of him and how he is able to flourish with you as a great Mom. My son is starting Middle School which is a lot less traumatic but I shed a tear the other day too. Keep smiling!
Oh Sue, I’m always so encouraged by your comments! Keep me posted on how Middle School goes for your son!
Oh Cindy, It was such a blessing to be with you the other night and see that even in your difficult times you are living out what you teach and write about. Much love and many hugs to you, always!
Oh my friend,
You are the sweetest. So thankful God knew I’d need that ride down with you, Alison and Susie. Thanks for being YOU! 🙂
Cindy,
No one ever told me how hard it would be for a mom who’s never worked or had a career when the children finally leave home. Raising children was definitely not an easy task at times, especially when you felt like you never knew what you were doing. You prayed, cried, yes, screamed sometimes, felt like resigning but knew you couldn’t because you loved them. I tell people, “I didn’t kill them or kill myself. I am a survivor.” In reality, sometimes what I thought was rebellion was just normal independence that comes to all, but now that I am a grandparent, I see some things more clearly. In fact, I’ve been told that grandchildren are God’s gift to parents for now killing their kids.” And it’s wonderful; love them, pray for them and pray for their parents cause they’re gonna need it.
Marlene, your comment sure made me smile! I’ll have to share with my mom your quote – “grandchildren are God’s gift to parents for not killing their kids”. LOL!
Thanks for stopping by – you sure brightened my day! 🙂
Cindy,
I have felt your pain. Two of our 5 have left home. Before our oldest got married almost 2 years ago, I thought I would never stop crying as the date approached. And then when our second left to transfer as a Junior to a college that is over 4 hours away last year, I cried for several months after she left. As you said, I had also determined that it would not bother me when they left but, alas, that was not realistic. Being a mom has been our job for give or take 2 decades! Of course we are going to grieve the loss of that job and the absence of our children in our home. Praise God that we do not have to go through life alone and that He strengthens and guides us as we go through our seasons! Keep that focus looking upward!
I cried for months before my only girl left, 11 hours away. Leaving her three states away on a campus where she knew no one, literally, was the most heart wrenching experience I’ve ever had. Knowing she was where God has called her helped. When she called 5 weeks later, homesick and sobbing bc she had lice was I think the worse (I know you can understand that!). It’s a whole new level of parenting and communion with God. I double score everything you have said. Blessing to each of you as your family grows and changes.
I am right there with you. Realizing that my youngest will be graduating in two years {it literally hurts to type that} has hit me like a sledge hammer this year. I know that God has big things in store for this next season of life but it is hard and painful to walk through. Praying for you, friend!
i will read this again in a year when my hank will just be gone. i will. thanks, cindy. and stopping to pray for you right now.
I launched my first to college three years ago, and it was very hard. My other two are now in sixth grade and second grade, so I have a long way to go. But, the season of life that I have now entered involved the oldest returning home because she is pregnant (and the FOB is no longer involved). God is teaching me a lot about trusting Him with my children, since I’ve come to accept that I have no control, even though I thought I had done everything “right.” And, He is also teaching me more about unconditional love!
I needed to read this today. I’m sorry for your pain, and I’m quite certain when my first leaves I’ll be a mess. Your post reminded me to enjoy this season I have with her now.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Dabney
Seasons change for good and bad. Seasons change quickly and some go on forever. Sometimes we are ready for the season and sometimes not. But through them all we need to know God’s Word and with this we will overcome and rejoice in Him. Blessings to you, Cindy and all the ladies commenting above.
Sweet Sister, please know that he is close to you and He is close to you. Jake is only minutes away and God is right with you as you wrestle with the joy of having a successful young man and the heartbreak of letting him go (a little bit) 😉
Aquinas is a wonderful place. Of my 3 colleges, it is by far the most wonderful and supportive and beautiful community I experienced. Praying that this transition gets smoother for you as school gets underway, and giving thanks that Jake is still close to home (instead of off to Colorado or such).
Love, Hugs, Prayers & Blessings!
Crystal
I will be praying for you – I too have been caught by surprise with my unexpected emotions as well. Will be praying for your Jake…that his roots will only get deeper as He fleshes out his own personal faith and walk with Christ. May God be his guide and be your peace of mind. My season? Sent my little girl off to Kindergarten last Monday. Didn’t cry until today when I went shopping and realized she’d never go with me again on a week day morning. Didn’t see that coming.
Cindy, Angela (my daughter) and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you at the Plainwell Praise and Coffee Night. Thank you for blessing us! I remember when Angela went to college. We stayed up all night the night before she left for college and talked and cried. In fact we cried so much that our noses swelled, we couldn’t breathe and that made us laugh. We filled our wastebasket to the brim with kleenex that night and were exhausted the next day as we drove to her college in Ohio but what sweet memories we now have of that special mom-daughter night we spent several years ago. I remember a few days after she left and how it was such a bittersweet time of sadness in moving into a new transition however, gladness in God’s provision of a daughter that truly loved God. A few days after she left I was looking through a magazine my mom had given me and found an article that God provided encouragement to me through at just the time I needed it. It was from Marie Clapper and goes like this…For weeks, I felt empty whenever I thought about Annie, our youngest, heading for college. Why am I feeling so shaky, I asked myself. It’s not as if I’ve never been through this before. Five times over the past twenty years, Lyle and I waved good-bye to college-bound children. Years ago when Scott left for college, I walked through the house and sensed it felt different. I remember telling Lyle it felt like the day you take down the Christmas decorations: It’s still a beautiful home, but things just aren’t as festive. Without Scott, there wasn’t as much music. Not as much laughter. Not as much…Scott. And that’s the way it felt as each of our kids left home. But in the past as each one left, Annie remained. This time is different, I thought. This time it’s Annie’s turn to sail away. As you may know, my morning walk is when I sort out the truly important things in my life. On yesterday’s walk, I figured out what really was going on with me. With Annie’s departure, I am facing mandatory retirement from a job I’ve held for almost forty years; mother. Although most of my work for Annie – as with the others – is done, I’m not ready to retire. I mulled over my thoughts until for some reason, I recalled my mother’s words. I could almost hear her voice saying them: “God won’t close a door in your life without opening a window, Marie.” Time and again, I’ve seen life happen just that way. Over the years I’ve also developed a companion piece to my mother’s adage: Sometimes unless God closes the door, we miss the window – and that window is what He has in mind for us! Immediately I felt lighter, almost as if I could float. My step quickened. I wondered what God had in store for me. I felt excited, as if I too was leaving home for a new adventure. Suddenly I realized that my mother’s words had given me just the support I needed when I needed it most. She’s still being my mom, I thought. She’s been gone for many, many years, but she’s still there for me…just as I will always be there for Annie. So this fall, off Annie goes- big smile, ponytail bouncing, flute in hand. And with her goes a mother’s love, a love that will never fade…never stop offering her comfort, faith, and hope…and never really retire. Cindy, hoping for God’s Great Peace for you as you anticipate the window He’s opening for you! Many Blessings! Robin
Love ya, friend!!! (See this! A comment on your blog. Yay!!!)