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Hey Friends –
Warning: My mind is mushy and my nerves are shot. Read at your own risk.
What a weekend.
As many of you know, I’m in the midst of a huge writing deadline. I submitted the Red Hot Faith Participant’s Guide after my final revisions on Friday morning (Thank You, God!), and have the Leader’s Guide to finalize today (this week – I asked for an extension). My tension level is on high alert as I’m trying to accomplish a task way out of my comfort zone.
Thursday night I received a call that my beloved Grandma in Indiana has days to live. We knew she had cancer, but the doctor had recently estimated six months. Our plan was to visit her at the end of March. Days? I bawled my eyes out. Due to the severe snow storms – both here in Michigan and in Indiana – my grandma doesn’t want anyone traveling, and so we wait.
- My son Jake
Over the weekend, both my boys had hockey tournaments, i.e. seven games over three days. Y’all know I love being a hockey mom – but seven games?
Plus you remember I’m a goalie mom. Friday’s game was so intense my dad said I was about ready to “have a kitten.”
I’m not sure what that means, but yes, crowd members were asking me if I was still breathing. Jake and his team pulled out a win against Michigan State – but good grief it was nail-biting to the absolute last second.
Oh, and did I mention Friday was another snow day from school so all three kids were home again?
Thankfully I made it to Sunday. We served at our usual spots at church and headed to our typical Sunday lunch location. Everything was well until mid-way through our Mexican food. Sarah, my precious nine year old who was sitting across from me, started to choke on her chicken and black bean salad.
Insert me panicked here.
Long story…a piece of chicken was lodged in Sarah’s airway. She could breathe, but was very uncomfortable, and nothing was working to get it out. We called the doctor and they said take her to the Children’s ER.
Insert me utterly freaked out here.
Y’all, can I just be honest? I have issues.
I’m good with believing God in the midst of day to day stuff. I absolutely know God can deliver and redeem and restore and heal and set free and provide.
BUT after losing my fiance tragically and very suddenly years ago, when my loved ones are hurt, triggers and funny buttons and sirens go off all over the place for me.
It’s not pretty.
The good news: Sarah is fine. The doctor could see the chicken (lodged near her tonsil) and was able to pull it out without putting her to sleep, etc.. All is well.
Sarah minus the chix in her throat
The Lesson from my Freak Out Moment: Trust God.
Now it doesn’t mean it won’t be painful or scary or trigger old hurts or create some anxiety or remind us how frail life is or remind us we are still work in progress (and have a long way to go) or just plain old hard.
And sometimes trusting God means trusting Him with the pain, or trusting Him with the loss or trusting Him in the confusion or trusting Him in the mess.
As I hurried down to the ER yesterday, all I could pray over and over again was…God, I trust You. God, I trust You. God, I trust You.
Friends, when was the last time you had a freak out moment? Are you going through one today? Do you need a reminder that God is absolutely Trustworthy and True? I’d be humbled to pray for you while I’m slowly regaining my strength, sanity, and focus.
How have you found peace in your freak out moments? I’d love to hear from you!
Thanks for stopping by *She Sparkles*! May your week be filled with oodles of peace, joy and non-life threatening moments!
Sweet blessings,
P.S. LInking up with my real life friend Jen Ferguson and her wonderfu Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood link up party!
Oh Cindy. My heart aches for you right now. I knew about your writing deadline and your sweet Grandma…but all this other stuff, too? Grace is a goalie for soccer, so I totally get how you feel when your kid is playing keeper and suddenly the entire game is on their shoulders.
I wish I could call you up and say I’m picking you up in 5 minutes and we’re hitting the nearest day spa.
Hugs and prayers to you.
I need assurance with close calls in traffic still.
Whispering “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”
Helps me.
Dear Cindy,
Your week sounds like mine, too. I’ve been living freak out moments, too, due to a sudden painful death that impacted my life, too. Undergoing the same surgery today I was quietly freaking out as I told the surgeon I’m okay but the tears rolled until they put me under. I “get” how small things send us into panic mode. Not everyone knows the ‘story behind” our freak out moments. I’m so glad she’s okay. I’m glad you’re okay, and I TOTALLY get being a bleacher mom in those intense moments. God is good. Thanks for your honestly!! Love to you!
Oh my! Sometimes, life does throw us one curve ball too many! Praying for you tonight as you lean into Him. Praying as well for your sweet grandma. Hugs
I can only imagine how hard this has all been…no wonder you felt a panic and freak out feeling! My heart aches for you. I find that if I allow myself an initial panic when I can’t help it that I always come back like a puppy in trouble to say, “God I do trust you, sorry for my little panic and freak moment there.” And then not only does he forgive, but I feel such grace. I am praying for much peace, comfort and strength for you. Thank you for a wonderfully real post!
I totally understand how certain things can trigger old feelings and cause total freak out moments. I had a major one today and couldn’t function the rest of the day. Sadly? resorted to the Bachelor and a glass or two of wine to numb my feelings because I just don’t know how to calm myself down sometimes. I was glad to read your blog tonight.
Me? Freak out? Nneevveerr! (right…)
I feel a little on the edge of a freak out. I taught yesterday, am teaching at a retreat this weekend, and am behind on the book.
And yet. I must, must, must take the same advice and teaching that I gave to my class yesterday — making Christ the center of my mind and making sure that I never allow my problems to seem bigger than my God.
My very worst freak out moment was when my oldest daughter joined a cult that masqueraded as a Christian religion when she was 18. It did not compare to losing both my parents, because I knew that they had a personal relationship with Jesus and went to heaven, where I will see them again someday. But to have my child effectively turn her back on God, even though in a sense she was deluded, broke my heart in a way that I cannot describe. It literally felt like my world was falling apart. I prayed for her, pleaded with her, even ended up in the hospital myself with anxiety attacks that seemed like heart attacks. Praise the Lord, she was only involved with them for about a year total before she finally realized that the god they worshiped was not the One she knew. When she admitted this, it was much like a prodigal daughter story – so beautiful. Yet, one thing this horrible event taught our family was that God is faithful. And, it has provided us the opportunity to share the real Jesus with others as we share the story; proving once again that God will use what we deem tragedies to bring glory to Himself.